This is what I will write: some thoughts, some stories, some of myself. The way I see the way of life. It is just me, my views, my opinions, my way of saying, my way of writing. My spirit, my fire, my love and the freedom of being myself.

The sufi path of love

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Concentration, originally uploaded by driek.

Sheikh Hassan & Friends in concert in the library of Amsterdam


Whirl whirl my dervish
into the ecstasy of love
a sacred dance with the beloved
and the lover just disappear

turn turn my dervish
turn around the center
like the sun
a ball of light
a flame of love

the invisible becomes visible
to the eyes which are pure

dance dance my dervish
sacred is the dance
sacred is the center
sacred is the union
in the arms of love


blessed are those who can see
what is not of the eyes


In the experience of listening their music I lost my self for an evening.
In the meeting of silent listeners I remember myself again.

The sufi path of love once again has brought tears to my eyes and inspired my soul to rest in His arms. The most exquisite Jalaluddin Rumi's poem were sang and played by Sheikh & Friends.
Thank you.

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posted by Milena at 7:44 AM 1 comments

Review of "The death of Vishnu"

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Varkala Hindu festival March 08

The death of Vishnu by Manil Suri

What an amazing book!

To me, that I love India so much, this book has everything I am so much fond of.

It plays in an apartment block in Bombay ( Mumbay) in the span of 48 hours.
During this time Vishnu, the "every job" walla, is going through his process of dying, meeting in the delirium of the last moments of his life the people who really counted: his mother, the girlfriend hooker Padmini, Kavita, a girl from the flat above his landing, and of course all of the Hindu deity, from Laxmi to Krishna. In the time that Vishnu is confronting his end, the drama and romance of the inhabiter of the building are played out to its fullest.

The author Manil Suri is describing an Indian universe in the personal story of each family members that lives in those flats.
You find in there a Bollywood style marriage proposal and of course the drama of elopement.
Two housewives' constant quarrel and bickering over the only one kitchen they need to share.
The widower on the top floor who after having lost his young wife turns to a solitary life with glimpses of spirituality to overcome the immense grief while endlessly playing his dead wife's favorite album.
To top it off Mr Jalal, the Muslim father, dreaming a path to liberation proclaims to everybody that Vishnu is not an ordinary job man but a god that has appointed him to spread the good news to the world.
Therefore to complete the picture of life in India we have, regretfully, the perfect mob between the Hindu and Muslim families, who are trying to understand each other but the weight of century of conditioning are difficult to bare.
Oh poor beloved Gandhi!

Vishnu ultimately is left alone to die on the staircase of the building, while some family are fighting who should pay the ambulance or the doctors. But no one is in fact assisting or taking care of him while he is dying.

The author writing is captivating, alive, witty and full of the Indian flavor I love so much. His characters are so deeply and wonderfully human and the acuteness in describing the many social differences and conditioning of real India is to admire.

My life in Poona

I remember one time on the way to MG road by bicycle I saw a beggar completely immobile on the street. I stopped and look around if someone was going to help. I myself didn't now what to do. The stench that arose from her lying position was so overwhelming that it paralyzed any good intention on my side to bend over and try to help her. Also in the Ashram we were told to keep away from beggars. In fact you could have gotten into trouble to touch a dying person. Police may harass you. You don't mix with the karma of a person, so they say.

This happens 20 years ago, but I believe it is till happening right now in the 21century in certain areas of India.
More and more the volunteer work founded by Mother Theresa and other association has been devoting to take care and "collect" the dying persons from the street and bring them in a more human environment to die in warm and loving hands.

My heart reaches out to all those who are actively working and caring for the dying.

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posted by Milena at 4:33 AM 0 comments

My friend T. and Van Gogh

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

There is friendship and there is friendship. And then there are true friends. All of them come and go.
In my years as a sannyasin and with Miracle of love, friendship was what the spiritual world was about. Very few are those who I now feel close to me and I can call friends.
I want to talk about one of them and how special he is to me. Although we both were involved in the Miracle of love organization we hardly had anything to do with each other back then. That I think is our luck. We met in our healing journey on recovering from the madness of the lifestyle in the Miracle of love group.
I open my heart to this amazing "German boy". Especially the last 13 months had brought us very near in our soul journey that almost no day passes without an email exchange. That is the only way our friendship can take form right now because of the circumstances of his life.

Despite the amount of betrayal and pain I experienced in this area, I simply am grateful of being able to still touch someone's life in an encouraging way.
This morning was one of those day when I felt blessed to have only one sincere friend in the whole world. I was honored by the words he wrote to me and as I was reading, meanwhile drinking my homemade cappuccino, one tear of joy rolled down my eyes.

Below is our last exchange

Hi T,
I received your letter with the description of the waterfall. We may
go there sometimes although it looks very crowded. I like solitude
and I dislike very much touristic places, but I read that going up to the
top is not for everyone and mostly people stop before.

It is an ongoing process the healing in our life. I also believe that
at one point we have to let go of any belief we may still cling onto.
Psychology goes so far, therapy and New age staff also, meditation and
the art of living in the moment, watching the breath, able to let go
and appreciate the gifts of life, preparing to meet sister death,
is I think what can take us behind the limited mind with all of his trauma,
conditioning, wrong thinking and habits.
So let it pierce and let it move and rock my baby to the swings of your
radio into your innermost secrets, your fantasies, your daydreaming.
Feel the beat and know that on the other side of the world a small
insignificant Milena thinks of you and sends you so much love. It may
be just a small human love but it is colored with autumn leaves and is
warm of a tender heart.

Yesterday I received a museum card valid a year long, as a birthday
present from Driek's parents. I can just pop in in all the museum in
Holland and stare just at one painting and then leave again. So I
just came back from van Gogh Museum now and I bought a little postcard
for you of the painting I was staring today. I will send it my dear so
that you can keep dreaming and soaring high in your soul.
Kiss, Milena

His reply:

I would love to go with you to a museum and just hang out, watch the beauty and let it sink in for a long time. I can't wait to get your card!!!! I can't write much right now, because the email minutes run low, but I wanted to thank you very much for your email and the wisdom in it. Your insight helped me today, as I'm stuck in a low because of this stupid situation. It is so frustrating to sit in here, depending on a lazy attorney that is simply asleep. I could scream, although have to sit in my cell and work through it.

You are by no means small, you are a powerful Italian woman with a loving, passioned heart. Your love and intent moves mountains and your gentle, sweet caress enforces life on primal levels... Most of all, you are a wonderful, loyal friend I trust with all my heart. That gift, Milena, is very precious, because it gives me hope and creates a gateway for me to overcome the pain created by betrayal and lies. How could I ever trust somebody again, without your help? Thank you!!!

Any waterfall can be a destination of our future hikes, solitude and stillness is my longing as well. Tourists are not desired and not necessary.

My heart is slowly rising to a spirituality, or understanding of my own. It is a love, a bridge that belongs to me and I'm happy because it rings true inside of me, honors the people around me and spreads joy. No path to follow, just my inner compass to peace in the company of my friends and children.
I love you and Driek! Share all the beauty you see with a thought of me, your friend T.

Sometime ago he wrote a poem and asked me to post it in my blog.

Hi sweet sister,
here is a poem I wrote this morning; interesting that it came out with a German title and English text.


"Being born here
Living there
Going nowhere

Running from the past
Blinded by the future
Missing out, about today

Moving fast, though soooo slow
Really--Standing still

Digging deep-deeper-very deep
Consumed in desperation
Burrow; with the soul on fire
Asking, where is it?
Where is the ...
Is it Christ, Buddha, Allah or WHAT
Who, in earnest, has the key?
unlocking the gate,
from this place of utter Nothingness.

PLEASE, take me out of here,
aus diesem Niemandsland.

Aug. 08 Thomas

I edit this post  in August 2010. The man who I thought was a real friend didn't behave as such after exiting prison.
But life still goes on......for the better.

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posted by Milena at 10:24 AM 1 comments