Life goes on

Very few are granted the gift of a second life. I am one of the blessed one and today I celebrate my 25 anniversary, although my body is 47 years old.
It is a day completely dedicated to my self and the miraculous surviving of a near death experience:
8 January 1984

I called my friend Virendra, to know when I can visit him and spent some precious time before he departs to the other shore. He who exactly 2 years ago on this day sent me a picture of a smiling Milena aka Utkantha, is now facing with an amazing dignity the certainty of his death.

I sat silently in front of my little Buddha, I spread the pictures of the wounds on my body in front of me, taken for legal reason 6 months after the accident. I lit a candle and I dove into the memories of that day.
The loving compassionate energy of the Tonglen meditation, a Buddhist practice on breathing in the pain and breathing out compassion, irradiated a tremendous peace and the mind could rest in a silent lake of awareness. Oh I wish it would always be like this.

It was amazingly blissfully peaceful back then in those moments when I lingered at the door to the beyond.

After the car accident life was never the same any longer. And I wouldn't have desired another life then the one I had.

When I opened my eyes 5 days later I didn’t know what had happened. I was lying in the intensive care bed. I could hardly move my head, only my eyes, I looked down, under the white sheet and didn’t recognize my body. It was not my body.
Nothing could move and everything was covered by white bandage. Both my legs, arms and my belly. My face. There was almost nothing left out.
I asked for a mirror but they didn’t want to bring it to me. I insisted and I saw two big eyes lost and sad, in a face full of the little green stitches, for the many small scars on my face. I got to know later that with my face I kissed the window shield of the car!
I could hear voices I didn’t know, from people who were taking care of my body. I couldn’t understand the language. “Can someone please speak my language?”
Finally it was time for my mother to come inside the intensive care room and explain to me why I was there. I could hardly believe my ears. I thought it didn’t happen to me. I thought I will be up and fit in few weeks. I have to go skiing. It is winter and I need to have my time alone in the mountain. Far I was from that wish, far I was from the truth of my physical conditions.


And the mountain has been always calling.

I know that an angel kissed me to stay here a little longer and whispered many secrets that I hold precious in my heart.

I wrote these words some time ago to the spirit of this mountain girl.

My girl
It is so sweet to remember your innocent heart,
Your warm and brown eyes open to the wonders of life
And the fragrance of your smile
I never met a girl like you
I will be forever grateful for who you were and still you are.

on top of Mount Luco age 17

Labels: , ,