This is what I will write: some thoughts, some stories, some of myself. The way I see the way of life. It is just me, my views, my opinions, my way of saying, my way of writing. My spirit, my fire, my love and the freedom of being myself.

I am grateful

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Livigno Italy 01-01-2009
I am grateful for this year 2009.

I started the 2009 with a feeling of immeasurable deep joy for the longing in my soul residing lovingly in His arms.
I continued by facing courageously the challenges of life. And there were many.
My dear friend Virendra passed peacefully away the end of January. I was fortunate to be a witness and support in his last weeks of his life breathing with him his last breath of life. Through his death I found a new friend, his wife Prerna ever so "dearly crazy". She and Valeria have been precious friends, in many ways we shared the same joys and losses.

I continue throughout the year to converse via email with my friend T while he was in prison. I opened up through him to the pain of the incarcerate. A minority who lives a life deprived of many basic human rights. Only this makes me mad. In getting to know the abuse that goes on in prison, I discovered a way to share the love that knows no steel bars but that is stronger then any limitations. I grew deeply and sank more deep into the well of my soul recognizing the smallness of my being. Yet in His presence I feel I am everything I can be. And a flower opens inside.

The incredible treks in my mountains built the strength in me to face any fear so that I could arrive at the "cross" on the top of the mountain, with an amazing feeling of worthiness and gratitude for the single grace to be here and tell my story. A story that continues into next year with a sense of wonder what will come my way.
I only know one thing that as long as I live I will always remember to breathe in and calm my body and my mind and breathe out and smile.
Smile at any circumstance that may tear your heart apart like it happened in summer when T. exiting his imprisonment turned his back to me and disappeared.

I always smiled maybe not so obviously on the outside but my meditation is to mindfully watching my breathing and mindfully watching and feeling my heart pierce through to let nothing else in then the fire of love.

Jesus, sweet Jesus has been a constant presence and a gentle companion to carry me in comfort and with him I cried so many loving sweet and salty tears.

What more can I ask then keep walking on with a gratitude for everything that this journey of life brings to us, blessed both the roses and the thorns.
Mount Macaion summer 2009

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posted by Milena at 12:22 PM 1 comments

My Christmas wishes to you all

Monday, December 21, 2009

To all my readers
family and friends
with gratitude

My altar

I wish you for this Christmas time:

Buddha to cultivate peace of mind and happiness on the Way
Sufi Dervish to remind you of the sacred dance with the Beloved
Bodhisattva Tara to feel compassion
Ganesh to face any obstacle and remain playful
St Francis to deepen the way of prayers
Angels, always around, to guide you and comfort you along the way.

The divine presence of Holy Mary and sweet Lord Jesus to celebrate the Light into this world

A burning candle to inspire the flame of love residing in your heart
and to dispel any darkness.

May you all have a wonderful 2010

Buddha on canvas. Milena '09

Always remembering breathing in I calm my body and my mind.
Breathing out I smile and care for this body and mind and everything else in between and beyond.

White Amsterdam, Damsquare 20-Dec-09

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posted by Milena at 9:40 AM 2 comments

The true story of the red roses.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Dialogue between roses.

–What are we doing here?–Cried out one rose in the bouquet. –It is cold today in Amsterdam! I always heard about how beautiful is this city and I was looking forward to come here. But really I didn’t expect this ending. What do you think sisters? Dam square has absolutely stunning architecture but the view from this rubbish bin is a bit crooked. The royal palace is not even visible as they are remodeling and cleaning it. It is Saturday afternoon, the square is full of people. How come nobody notices us? No, really, of all places where roses should spread their beauty and fragrance this was not foreseen.–

Sister rose, on the right, answered, –if only people would notice that we are beautiful and fresh so they could have pity on us and relieve us from this torment of being neglected and rejected.–

The nearby sister came out with her sensitive voice and said: –Somehow when this man came to choose flowers in the Venlo station flower shop, I had this peculiar feeling. I felt he was not clear, from his being was radiating fear and hesitation; his outward behavior was edgy and angry. He didn’t even know how to hold us and got pricked by the little brother thorn. It didn’t mean to hurt him, if only he would have hold us with gentleness. How much was the poor man swearing because of that! God please forgive him, he was just very agitated.

However when we heard he was going to take a train to Amsterdam to meet a woman he never saw before, we were all very excited to this new excursion and perhaps, who knows, we were the witness of a beginning of a sweet love story. I could read his mind and what he was thinking. It has been a while he wasn’t going out with a woman and he was trembling to his core. He didn’t know much about this woman, he saw just a photo on an online dating forum and exchanged few basic information. Nevertheless they decided to meet. It has been all too frantic, something was not supposed to happen.

It takes time and patience to get to know someone, and still we may never know deeply a person.–

Sister rose in the middle observed, –when I saw him waiting and waiting near the Coffee Company for more then 2 hours, and us really getting cold, I suspected she wasn’t coming. We may never know what happened to her and why she didn’t show up. The point is that we are now here, an outcome of a moment of anger and despair, total helplessness and disappointment. He dumped his frustration on us–

Few of the other roses were screaming: –God have mercy on us, please, please let us not end here alone and in the darkness. We are made to bring joy and to invite love in the heart of every person. Help us to fulfill our purpose!–

Look – said the first rose – that Lady with the white jacket has noticed us. She is shocked.-How come such wonderful roses have been tossed away so brutally?- she said. She calls her husband - I see they wear the wedding ring- to make a photo of this contradiction of life. The beauty trapped in the mouth of the beast.

She is saying: “Amore, why is this here? I mean this is a blog entry, a nice story of a bunch of roses. Please make a picture.”

After a moment she added, “do you know, I really feel bad about leaving these roses here. They are beautiful, it hurts my heart to see them in this rubbish bin. I don’t care what people may think or say if I take them out. They are wonderful to me and anything for them is better then lying here in the cold, just because something has gone wrong with somebody.

I don’t want to take them home. Let’s bring them to St. Nicholas church. We are going there anyway to listen to the Choral evensong. Maybe I can give them as an offering to Mary.

I wonder how many of those unaware tourists know of how wonderful can be to spend 45 minutes of time with such devotional and uplifting songs. Maybe the tourist department could help to spread the news of this event that takes place every Saturday at 5 pm in the St. Nicolaaskerk in the city of Amsterdam. A church that, to me, offers such mystical and devotional moments, where God never fails to soothe my longing soul”.

–Oh yes, yes,– all the roses where whispering. And quietly were waiting to see their new destination.

The Lady of the Lady, Mother Mary of love and grace was smiling at them. The candles burning happily all around for all beings who suffers from pain, anger, uneasiness of life. People kneeling and devoutly reciting their prayer to the Holy Mother, finding comfort, solace, a little light and a sweet warmth in their heart. The red roses on the side, proudly and humbly smiling for the unexpected gift to be able to fulfill their purpose and give their total life to it.

Thank you beautiful roses for offering me a moment of Love and devotion.

One of my favorite songs.

"The rose" by Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

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posted by Milena at 8:24 AM 1 comments

The voice of an angel

Monday, December 07, 2009

To my friend Thomas Heydel

I came to you in your darkest night
whispering softly words of love.
You found some refuge
under my delicate wings.

In that dreamlike state
we recognized each other
And together we bathed in healing water
transforming tears in wonderful smiles

You woke up from the horror of prison
the soul restless and disoriented
and you forgot the sweetness of that embrace

As I entered your dark world
with a flame of love in my heart and a tender touch
so I depart back to where I came from
with a touch of wings, like a butterfly free into the sky

May you always remember
the fragrance of my essence
I will always remember yours.

Milena Nov. 09

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posted by Milena at 7:13 AM 1 comments

My personal tribute to Ramses Shaffy

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

"It is still in Amsterdam"
even among a busy day

Ramses Shaffy is sleeping

Let him sleep peacefully
A faraway echo of his voice reaching out to the heart of fans.

In my 5 years in Amsterdam I was so fortunate to see you and hear you singing twice.
In both the events I cried, touched deeply by you.

Goodbye Ramses Shaffy
be at peace
singing with the angels above.

Just another of your fan. sweet Milena

My passion for your "chanson", needless to say, was transmitted by Driek a true Ramses Shaffy lover, who has all of your music and likes to sing many of your songs.

My favorite song: Laat me
He could also sing beautifully in Italian:
"Nelle notti a Roma"

From Kabir:

The darkness of night is coming along fast and the darkness of love
close in the body and the mind.
Open the window to the west and disappear
into the air inside you.
Near your breastbone there is an open flower.
Drink the honey that is all around that flower.
Waves are coming in:
There is so much magnificence near the ocean.
Listen: sound of immense seashell! Sound of bells!
Kabir says, Friend, listen
this is what I have to say:
The Guest I love is inside me!

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posted by Milena at 2:46 AM 0 comments